Last night as I was laying on the floor looking at the ceiling thinking about life I came to the conclusion that everyone has a purpose in life. Take someone as awful as Hillary Clinton for example. She was put on this earth to corrupt all politics and convince woman that they can run for office. Well I may not corrupt politics or even agree that woman can or should run for office, but I sure as hell can dance.

I am widely famous within my friend group of 8 gentlemen for my dancing. It is a gift only obtainable by a higher being. So being this magnificent dancer, I have had to come up with a way to have my talents showcased properly. My twitter videos get the image out which is obviously great but I need more. I need to get on America’s Got Talent. It’s not an easy task a simpleton may tell you, but that simpleton is not Toenail. I will personally email Howie Mandel and ask him what he thinks of my dance videos. I will be sending Kung Fu Fighting and Two of Hearts. He will be so amazed that he tells me not to worry about coming on to the show until the Finale because I am that good. I will then win the whole show and become a backup dancer for Justin Timberlake.

This whole elaborate plan may not work though, so I am prepared to face the failure with humility and grace. But before I have to face that pain, here is a video of my dances that I will be submitting.

Feel free to send this to Simon Cowell and Howie Mandel in case Howie doesn’t get my email.